“I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly strong, we know what we want and we are not fragile enough.” ~Shirley Bassey
I saw this quote and it put me in a "releasing stress off my chest" type mood. A friend and I were debating about Beyonce and Neyo messed all relationships up for women. He argued that women are looking for a financial bond more so than an emotional one. While that may be true for some women don't categorize all women to be
that woman that you chose to deal with. The problem is that men are afraid of a woman with a "breadwinner" attitude. Men want to handicap their woman so they don't have a choice but to stay while they hangout and do whatever it is men do. My friend asked why do women feel empowered by making more money than a man and it makes it hard for a man to approach us because they assume because we are successful we are automatically stereotyped as being siddity. Most women (if not all) knows their worth. We have standards and although some may be higher than others, they still exist. We know what we are looking for in a man. If automatically you feel some kind of way about a woman's success, my friend you have already lost the battle to your lack of confidence. A women can read the type a guy you are just by your approach. I know off top you're flexing, balling, tricking, lying, cheating, or all of the above. And that's the problem. I'm trying to figure out why the independent women can't get any love? Ya'll want these groupie heffas sitting in bubbles with their hair on fire and such. SMH! Yet the independent woman get passed up. Why is that?
“I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly strong, we know what we want and we are not fragile enough.” ...
MadDiva,
WELCOME BACK! We've missed your commentary.
Imma give it to you straight. Here is the problem with most men today and how they approach independent women. Most men today were not raised by a man. I mean a real, knows how to treat a woman, knows how to fix everything, confident in their step, in their talk, sensual, loving, caring, knows how to care for and raise children, die for their woman man.
I know that's the kind of man I was raised by.
Now this man doesn't necessarily need to be the father, but at least a great father figure (uncle, teacher, pastor, etc)
Most men today were either raised by "momma" or television or some guy that has a messed up view on life. Period. Now I'm not knockin momma on raising their sons but there are somethings a woman just can't teach a man.
So when most men approach a strong woman, they use the "fabricated" approach thinking all woman are like the video vixens or what's portrayed on television or what they learned from their "boys". They get nervous thinking what do I have to offer. Oh yeah I got this pocket full of money, this fly ride, I'm balling.....OK what else? How about stimulating her mind? Or opening the door for her? Or just doing something to be nice and not wanting anything in return?
So since the independent woman is considered "too much of a challenge", they go for what's easy. Easy for them to conquer and easy for them to toy with. But once they've had the easy girl and find out her substance is just as low as his or even lower, he still wants to know how to get at the independent girl, but was never given the skills.
Now one thing I want you strong, independent women to do is once you get this man, DON'T FORGET TO LOVE HIM!!! Don't be so caught up in protecting yourself and being "strong" that you forget he needs loving. If you love him right, he will give you the world because that's what he been taught to do. And don't be afraid to let him love you. Let him kiss on you in public, let him take control of you at odd times, let him love his woman.
Also remember ladies we all have a tainted past. We've all cheated and lied at some point. Men and women alike. Like Jill Scott said in A Long Walk, "You're background it ain't squeaky clean/Shit/ Sometimes we all gotta swim up stream/You ain't no saint/ We all a sinner/ But you put ya good foot down/ And made your soul a winner."
I hope this helped someone today. I'm not an expert, just giving my opinion.
Until next time,
Milli Mil Marlon
P.S. We want more MadDiva!!!
Three snaps Milli Mil! I completely agree. I believe there are men that are capable of handling an independent woman but he has to have the proper upbringing. That is the only way he'll have the confidence required to support a woman who is already taking care of herself. And once that man finds that independent woman, she must learn to submit to him as the Bible tells her to do. So hard for this woman to do, but if her man is respectable and the true definition of a man, she will have no problem submitting to him. Don't give up independent ladies! Your man is out there, just don't settle for less and don't assume every man is less just because you have a little change in your pocket:-)
*One fist pump* Das what I'm talkin bout Disclosednative!
That word submit is a tough one for both groups especially the independent woman. She doesn't want to give up her money or her heart! As she could lose both to the "I thought he was the one" guy. To submit to some women means to give up themselves and who they are. Sumbit means to compromise without compromising who you are and what your experiences and upbringing have taught made you.
There are many areas that need "tuning" and "pruning" but the right puzzle piece is out there for both men and women.
Until next time,
Milli Mil Marlon
www.marlonhurd.com